Old Habits Die Hard. . .

When I was born, I weighed 8 pounds and 8 ounces. So I was a pretty good sized baby. But as I grew, my weight evened out and I became a normal sized kid. We lived out in the country, about a mile off the main road where the bus would let us off after school every day. The only way home was to walk. And of course, there were no video games, no cable t.v., and no computers so we entertained ourselves by playing outside. Besides my mom and dad, there were three of us kids and my mom didn't work until my youngest brother started school. And then she only worked part time because my dad didn't really want her to work to start with. So money was not plentiful and we didn't get a lot of junk food to eat. We ate what was fixed and put on our plates, or we ate nothing at all.

So weight issues never plagued me. Ever. Until I got married for the first time at the age of twenty-one. I guess I felt like I didn't need to worry so much about watching my figure, I mean after all, I had snagged my man so I wasn't on the lookout for another one! And then my marriage fell apart and I was alone again. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. So I dieted and lost about 25 pounds. I was looking good again and I felt good too!

Then along came husband number two. The father of my son. He swept me off my feet with his good looks and charming personality. I got pregnant right about the time we were married. I was shocked! Because hubby #1 and I had tried unsuccessfully for over two years to conceive. So I thought I couldn't have a baby. Wrong! During my sixth month of pregnancy, hubby #2 decided he didn't want to be tied down in a marriage with a baby (he already had three kids before we met). So he left. I was devastated to say the least. So I ate. And ate. And ate. I gained about thirty pounds during my pregnancy. Not too bad, but not too good either. After my son was born, I lost maybe twenty pounds. I was a smoker before I got pregnant but I quit when I found out I was pregnant. Well, when my life didn't magically go back to being perfect after the baby was born and my hubby didn't come running back to me and our beautiful baby boy, I started smoking again. Bad, I know. But I did. And I lost thirty more pounds.

We moved to North Carolina when my son was almost two years old. This was in late 1994. I bought my first house in 2000 and vowed not to smoke in it because it was brand new and I didn't want it to smell like smoke or for the white walls to be all yellowed and all. So I quit smoking. Easy peasy. And it really was easy. My mom always said that I could do anything I set my mind to and I guess she was right. Quitting smoking was easy for me. But then I needed something to replace it. So I started eating. And eating. And eating. (Are you sensing a pattern here yet??).

By 2007, I weighed 309 pounds. Yep. On a 5 foot 7 inch frame. I was miserable. I hated myself and everybody in the world too. So I decided to do something about my weight. I opted for gastric bypass surgery. So in July 2007, I had the RNY procedure. That's where they section off your stomach to make a smaller "pouch" out of your upper stomach and attach your esophagus and your colon to the pouch. The remnant stomach is still inside you, it just doesn't function anymore.

Anyways, I lost weight. A lot! And fast. I went from 309 pounds in July 2007 down to 164 pounds in April 2009. Here's some pics:

July 2007 at 309 pounds:



April 2009 at 164 pounds:




Now, some people say that I took the "easy" way out. And I guess you could say that. If you consider having your guts surgically rearranged, having to pay $3,300 out of pocket to have that done (my part after the insurance paid their part), being willing to possibly give up eating some of your favorite foods for the rest of your life, having to take vitamin supplements everyday for the rest of your life (this is a malabsorbtion surgery so your body doesn't absorb all the nutrients it needs just from food), and risking major complications from the surgery itself not to mention possible complications like low blood sugar, etc. later down the road as taking the "easy" way out. I will admit, it was super easy to lose the weight. It literally fell off me. And I haven't had any complications. I'm very lucky. Until now. I have gained back 25 pounds and more will follow if I don't get myself back on track and do what I know I am supposed to do. This surgery is not a magic wand. After about eighteen months, the weight loss stops. And if you don't follow the rules, the weight will come back. Old habits die hard. . .

Which brings me to the point of this post (finally!). I am putting all this out there so that I can be held accountable for my actions. I am responsible for what goes into my mouth. Only me. And I am going to do that. I am not going to let all that I've gone thru during the past three and a half years be for naught. I deserve better. And only I can do that for myself. And I will. Because I am worth it!

Until next time. . .